the seige
by Queen Edmund Pevensie
Summary: Mandalore is chaos. She makes her way deeper into the forest, without any idea of where she's going, without any help or guidance or answers from the Force, she lets go of Anakin Skywalker too.


"Oh!"

Ahsoka stops and turns around to see Anakin looking a little like he walked into a wall. She smirks at him. "What's wrong?" she asks, crossing her arms.

He shakes his head and pushes his bangs out of his eyes. "Nothing," he says. "You're going to need your lightsabers. I forgot."

Ahsoka huffs. "I can use a blaster, you know," she says. "I'm pretty good with one. And Rex will be there…" But Anakin is right, he always is. She won't be able to defend herself or any of the 501st who have volunteered to help her free Mandalore properly without them. She misses them more than anything in the world, their weight at her side, the way that Anakin taught her to make them become nothing more than an extension of herself. When they were taken from her, it was like her limbs were being ripped from her. It hurt more than when they plucked her silka beads from her, more than when she walked away from the Temple.

"No, no," Anakin says. "We'll figure something out, we've got a few hours until we land." He's caught up with her again, and they walk down the halls of the Jedi Cruiser, brushing shoulders.

"You're coming with me?" she asks. This whole thing feels surreal. And like the absolute right thing.

"Of course we are," Anakin says. "Obi-Wan says it's his mess to clean up anyway, and I'd never let you –"

"Let me?" she challenges him, but she doesn't care. Not really. If she and Anakin are peers now, she still respects him as the most talented Jedi Knight she's ever known, the man who taught her what it really meant to be a Jedi, to be a soldier and a good person, a friend, six years her senior and more powerful than anyone else she'd ever met. If Anakin wants to play protective big brother, she's going to let him. But it means that she can tease him a little.

"You know what I mean," he huffs back, defensive. A shift in mood Ahsoka wasn't anticipating. The whole ship seems to darken. "Listen, why don't you get some rest," he suggests, stopping short. "I'm sure you remember where the barracks are."

"I'm not a Jedi," she reminds him. She won't be sleeping in officers' quarters anymore. She's hardly anything more than a deserter, really.

"Yes you are," he replies stiffly and turns on his heel back towards the bridge.

Ahsoka sighs. He's been in space too long, getting cagey. She turns too, away from the bridge. She's been on this cruiser what feels like a thousand times. It helps that they're all the same, muscle memory brings her back to an empty cabin, the one she would have occupied if she hadn't left.

* * *

Anakin knocks on her door before it slides open with a hiss. "Hey," he says, linking his hands beneath his back.

Ahsoka sits up on her bunk. It's just as lonely in the cabins as before; usually it was just her and Anakin, sometimes Obi-Wan and hundreds of clones. Lonely being the only girl on a Jedi Cruiser. Any female company was welcome, if it meant another pair of boots by the cabin door. Lonelier now, her difference only highlighted. Not a clone, not a man, not a Jedi.

But Anakin is here, smiling stiffly like he doesn't know how to navigate friendly, casual interpersonal relationships, and staring at her very intently. That's like before too.

He steps inside without waiting for a proper invitation and the tension in his shoulders melts away a little. "I got you something," he says, revealing a box from behind his back. Like the clones' helmets, her forehead markings are drawn onto the latch. She finds herself standing in front of him, her fingertips kissing the latch, the way she touched Rex's helmet. A knot forms in her throat, her heart aches.

"Anakin," she breathes.

"Don't –don't say anything," he says, opening the box slowly. It's not very big, not many things it could hold. Probably only six inches deep, a foot and a half long, tarnished wood, gleaming clasp with her forehead markings, and – it's exactly the right size for her lightsabers, both of them, nestled together gently.

She takes them, fights her smile. She misses it. All of it, being a Jedi and knowing what was right, and her lightsabers in her hand and Anakin by her side. Anakin puts the box down and folds his arms. He's smug and unsure and she's missed that too. "Uh, the Council turned them over to me when you left…or well, I found them and the Council didn't take them back, so…" He clears his throat. "I made some changes. Seeing as you're not a Jedi anymore, and all." Ahsoka looks at him to see that he's smiling. A surprise waiting for her. "Well, fire 'em up," he urges.

"Okay, sheesh," she complains. Anakin smiles broader. Things really getting back to normal between the two of them, better than normal. She powers them on, the blade extending. Not green, not yellow. Anakin starts to laugh and she can't help it. "They're _blue_!" She laughs too. "What did you do?"

"I just…made some modifications," he tells her. "I can't help it, maybe the kyber crystals thought they were my lightsabers, hmm? You ever think of that?"

"Likely story," she huffs, basking in their new, cool light. Warm, the smell of ozone, the vibration in her hands, the weight of her own lightsaber hilt that she assembled herself when she was ten years old, that Anakin clearly modified not only so that her sabers matched his and Obi-Wan's, but so that they were the right size for her, now that she was older, bigger, not a Jedi anymore. Like he knew she'd come back when she was ready for them.

"They're good as new," he says, looking over his handiwork. His hair falls in his eyes. "Maybe a little better."

She powers them down and throws her arms around Anakin's neck. A rare sign of physical affection, but he squeezes her back. "Thank you, Skyguy," she says, the nickname falling naturally from her lips. "I'm so glad you're coming with me." His grip tightens around her; he doesn't speak.

* * *

The Chancellor has been kidnapped and the only available Jedi are Anakin and Obi-Wan. "Likely story," Anakin grunts, but Ahsoka knows that it has to be him to rescue the Chancellor. Chances are, Dooku and Grievous are involved, and this is the definitive battle to end the war.

"How did they get through Coruscant's defenses?" Ahsoka wonders idly. "They never have before."

"They never dared before," Anakin reminds her. "It's a desperate move."

"Hmm."

Anakin was tinkering with his fighter when they got the call. Ahsoka is still sitting on cargo crates, watching his boots twitch as he repairs his fighter, though she doesn't think he's doing much more than looking at the underside of it at this point. The call came over an hour ago, and they're almost to Mandalore where they'll drop Ahsoka off and then turn around and join the battle, already in progress over Coruscant. She can tell by the tight grip he's keeping over their bond, how little she's allowed in, that he's nervous, either about leaving Ahsoka on her own, or being too late to rescue the Chancellor; she knows how he feels about him, considers him a mentor and a friend, a father for when Obi-Wan isn't listening to him. It's why Anakin has to rescue him; another Jedi might let him die.

"Sorry I can't be there with you," he says. "Obi-Wan and I'd both love the chance to finally finish Maul."

Ahsoka rolls her eyes. "I'll see you when all of this is over," she promises, something for the both of them to look forward to.

Anakin sighs and slides out from underneath his fighter and wipes his hand on his tunic. "If I can't be there, I'm glad you're carrying a part of me," he says, gesturing to the lightsabers clipped to her sides. Ahsoka smiles. Their familiar weight is a comfort, the idea that no matter where she goes Anakin will have her back, be fighting to protect her. A comfort for Anakin too, who worries more than anyone she's ever met, obsessive about the things he can't control. At least now he knows her weapons will never fail her.

The cruiser falls out of hyperspace and stops with a shudder. Rex appears in the hangar with the clones marked to protect Ahsoka. He smiles at them.

"Ready to go, Commander?" he asks, his helmet tucked under his arm. Ahsoka nods and stands up, squeezes Anakin's hand and joins Rex in the gunship.

"See ya soon," Anakin says, his voice heavy, the Force heavier. Things will be different soon, the next time they meet. Anakin can sense it, the terrible end to this terrible war, but Ahsoka hopes that the outcome won't be too costly. "I'm so proud of you," he adds as the gunship doors close, so she won't see the tears in his eyes. Too bad they kept their bond open, alive, when she left, so she can feel every nuance of his grief and fear as they enter Mandalorian space.

But Rex is beside her, and Jesse, and Kix. Her friends, her brothers.

* * *

Mandalore is chaos. She wouldn't have noticed if she hadn't felt Anakin die halfway across the galaxy moments before the clones start shooting at her. She and Rex stand back to back, surrounded, stunned. Jedi start to fall away, the Force flaring up in shock before settling into hollow silence. Rex comes to his sense first, lets out a garbled shout, and shoves Ahsoka down, covering her, screaming at his men to stand down, but blaster bolts keep flying above her head. Rex stumbles. He's been hit, Ahsoka thinks numbly, and stands to deflect the bolts back at the clones, her friends, her brothers – but Rex grunts, pulls her back down behind a crumbling wall.

"I'm okay, Ahsoka," he says, starling to hear her name in that voice. "Power those off. They make you a target." Her hands are shaking but she can't stand to cower and let herself be killed.

"Why aren't you trying to kill me?" she spits, rising a hair to deflect another volley. This time she hits someone, a clone's voice cries out in pain, and Ahsoka wants to rush forward, check to see if he's okay, and she might, if Rex would let go of his death grip on her wrist. "Let go of me!" she cries, tears pricking at the corner of her eyes. "Let go of me, Rex!" A suggestion from the Force she can't control. Rex's face goes white when he lets go to gesture to a long white scar over his ears and shoot his brothers in her defense.

"Just in case," he murmurs, hardly loud enough for her to hear through the commotion. Then, he grabs Ahsoka again and takes off through the falling streets of Mandalore. Feet against pavement, Rex always at her back, the sound of blaster bolts whizzing past her. They aren't trying to hit Rex, just her. She's still connected enough to the Order to piece what's going on. The clones have been flipped, betraying them. They're killing their Jedi commanders. Every time a Jedi falls, she feels it. It hurts worse than any blaster bolt ever could. She takes one at the same time another Jedi is shot down – Master Plo, she thinks, when the warmth she'd always known from the Force is replaced by icy dread – in the arm and Rex growls under his breath. Her fiercest protector, her driest companion. Her oldest friend – even before Anakin and Obi-Wan. The Force is betraying her, it's raw as masters, apprentices, younglings alike are cut down and look for their friends. Commotion, pandemonium, pain. She can't do anything for her master here, and he was the first casualty. She's sure of it. So instead she focuses on the pounding of her blood in her head and her feet against the pavement, rhythmic and frantic.

Then, they run out of pavement; they've come to the edge of the city and Rex is saying something about the clones not studying the maps for the woods that sit on the edge of the developed part of Mandalore. And they're among trees – just thick branches, and green leaves; but there's no sound of life besides them and the pounding of clone trooper boots, the rattling and scuffing of their armor. Rex is in front of her now, but at least it's easier to run, the ground soft and mossy beneath her feet. He leads them deeper, until it's only the by the little bit of the Force she's allowing access to that she knows where he is. Rex hunkers down behind a thick tree trunk and holds Ahsoka in place. Her heart beats wildly listen for the clones that followed to grumble.

"Fan out."

"I think we lost them."

"Rex will have –"

"He's a traitor!" Rex tenses behind her, but Ahsoka doesn't dare to turn to look at him.

"You don't mean that."

"Good soldiers follow orders," a clone voice says sadly, like he regrets what he's done, or perhaps that now his hunt includes not just Ahsoka but their captain, their fearless leader.

They filter away after that, long enough for Ahsoka to catch her breath and for some of the color to come back to Rex's face. She doesn't dare look for answers now, except right in front of her, once she's sure the clones are far enough away that their voices won't be heard.

But all Rex can manage is: "Fives!"

The answer startles Ahsoka, but she remembers what Anakin told her about the months since she left. Something went wrong with Tup, and when Fives tried to find out what the Kaminoans were hiding, he seemed to be infected with it too, only, something was different – he was trying to tell them something when he died. Something about chips.

Rex gestures to the scar on his head just in case. "He knew the truth, somehow," he says, his voice rough, low. "Inhibitor chips. Thought it couldn't hurt, if he were wrong."

Ahsoka swallows, though she knows it could have hurt. It could have killed him. A sacrifice he was willing to make, if it meant being free. Ahsoka tries not to cry, not now; it's too desperate now, she needs to get away, off Mandalore, find Anakin if she can, but she's overwhelmed with the reality of what they've done to the clones: bred them, forced them to fight, forced them to kill, watched them die, and now, finally, at the end, turned them into monsters, without them even knowing. She grips her lightsabers harder.

"I have an idea," says Rex, suddenly. "But –" He looks down at her lightsabers. He swallows. "You aren't going to like it."

Ahsoka nods, understanding immediately. They're going to fake their own deaths – or at least hers. Maybe Rex will return to his brothers for now, or maybe – it's too awful to think about, but this much she knows for sure: she's going to have to let go of her new lightsabers. Or well, strictly speaking, she's going to have to let go of her old lightsabers that Anakin found, kept, refurbished and returned to her. Anakin Skywalker, her master, her friend, who never lost faith in her, always fought for her. Who would be fighting with her now if he had a choice. If he wasn't –

Ahsoka chokes back a sob. Rex looks into her face. "You can…take a moment," he says, soft and gruff, his way of communicating understanding at what she's lost. He's lost it too. His brothers no longer familiar to him. She could drown in the grief engulfing the galaxy now. She might. All of this – it's only just all begun. She looks into Rex's eyes. He knows it too; all the grief and hardship, all the loss they suffered in this war, it's not even close to over. "The clones won't be back for a while. When they are, we'll be long gone."

"We can't go together," Ahsoka says hollowly. Alone, suddenly, and truly, for the first time in her life, she is profoundly alone.

"No," says Rex sadly. "Draw too much attention to myself. We both have a better chance at survival if we're…" Like he can hear her thoughts, like he knows exactly what Ahsoka is thinking, or else, he's realizing it too. The family they both had is gone now. "Alone," he finally managers. Ahsoka tightens her grip on her lightsabers. She searches the Force for Anakin one more time, the last time, because she knows now, to stay safe, she can't use it, can't touch it, can't even think about it or the Jedi or Anakin. There's still nothing there; hollowness, emptiness, blackness. The icy cold reality of nothing.

"The General?" Rex asks suddenly, in that uncanny way he has with the Jedi, probably from spending so much time around them, especially her and Anakin. The other clones always respected them, but Rex was different, approached Ahsoka and Anakin as friends, as brothers. Knew what a Jedi looked like when they reached to the Force for guidance, for help, for wisdom. Ahsoka wasn't looking for any of that now, but Rex knew Anakin well enough to know what a Jedi looked like in distress too. Ahsoka meets his eyes and simply shakes her head. Rex nods his understanding. "General Kenobi?" he asks. Ahsoka gasps; so focused on Anakin she forgot about Obi-Wan, who certainly would have been here if he could, who was surely by Anakin's side when he died.

"I don't know, Anakin and I – our bond…" she struggles to explain the emptiness she feels, how it's supernatural, how it's like a part of her is gone, fundamentally changed. "Obi-Wan would have been with him," she says instead. They both know that if one of them went down, there was a small chance the other one would have stayed standing.

Rex shakes his head, his face set. "One thing at a time," he grumbles, hoisting his blaster. "I'm sorry we have to do this," he adds. Ahsoka lays her sabers on the ground, as if they'd been abandoned, and stands beside Rex. He takes his helmet off and tosses it behind him.

"It's not your fault," she says, staring at her lightsabers, sitting in the grass. Then, she and Rex get busy digging, a grave for Young Ahsoka Tano, who feels as if she's aged ten years in the last few hours. "Where will you go?" she asks him.

"See if I can find any of my brothers who haven't turned," he grunts, almost snaps. "I'll…rejoin the fold and learn what I can. Then, I'll find you. I promise, Ahsoka."

"Don't make promises like that," she says shortly. It is snappish, but she can't help it. She's digging her own grave and building up walls around her mind, to keep herself away from the Force.

They turn over the earth a little more, make it look like a fresh grave, leave her lightsabers as a marking. They stare at their handiwork before Rex asks, "Where will you go? It's not safe for you…"

"I'll take care of it."

"Ahsoka."

"I'll go to the Outer Rim. I can take care of myself. I have before." Her bitterness at the failure of the Jedi seems so ridiculous now, with all of them dead or scattered, as afraid as she is to reach out and find one another. If they couldn't foresee something like this, how could they have understood the manipulation of one, young Padawan learner? And even if she left their ranks, she was always a Jedi; the clones at least made that clear. And Jedi don't hold grudges, don't hold onto anger.

She wraps her arms around Rex. "The lightsabers are the last piece of Anakin that I have," she whispers into his armor. He pats her awkwardly but earnestly on the back.

"You know that's not true," he says quietly. "We all carry a bit of the General with us all the time. He was…magnetic that way." Ahsoka managers a wet chuckle and wonders how Rex is keeping it together.

Ahsoka takes a deep breath, wishes she could keep her lightsabers, even if it wasn't safe, and lets go. Of the Jedi. Of her old life. Of Rex.

And finally, as she makes her way deeper into the forest, without any idea of where she's going, without any help or guidance or answers from the Force, she lets go of Anakin Skywalker too.

* * *

**A/N: You ever write 3500 words and then completely forget about it for a couple months because of things like: Job Interviews, and Finals, and Graduations, and Being Employed, but then the clone wars releases a trailer and you look on your computer and you see this thing, and you open it and read the first few words, and you're like: I don't think I ever finished this? and then you read the whole thing and decide it's not really finished but if you spend any time on it, it will be wrong in a matter of weeks, so you kind of just...are like, yeah no it's fine. Anyway, I forgot how fucked up I was over the lightsabers when I saw the trailer they released at Star Wars Celebration because I'm currently fucked up over something else, and that is the BAD BATCH EPISODES ! Anyway, clone wars in 2020?**


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